All-Stars Waxing
by the-enigma-machine
Summary: Metal Sonic was a mature robot, far above the maturity that any of Eggman's robot could ever have. That means that he takes a loss easily, definitely would never be upset over a loss against Sonic, and also absolutely would never feel jealous over something as basic as a vehicle. Except that's a complete lie, even if Metal won't admit it.


**A/N:** **This story is a collaboration between myself and the-clarity-organism**

* * *

Over three thousand hours in the driving simulation, and what did Metal have to show for it? A silver medal. Silver! What use was second place? Life was a stack, and no one cared what was behind the first element.

That's what he got for multithreading, he supposed. Three thousand hours wasn't really three thousand hours when lived in tandem.

The tarmac was sticky and hot beneath his feet, practically oozing beneath his soles as he walked, as if he were walking on cake laced with syrup. Orbot and Cubot would be behind him, taking care of his car. Wheels to change, fluids to measure. That was all their problem.

Metal's problem was far greater than any simplistic, deterministic, mechanical nonsense. His problem was a single point one place ahead of him in decision space. A single point that had parked a few hundred meters away down the tarmac.

Sonic the Hedgehog.

As usual, Sonic was busy with his post-race routine and was already waxing away at his car with a damp sponge. As thorough as always, Sonic went all around his car, hopping into the seat when there was a spot his arms couldn't quite reach.

Sonic didn't have the patience for a lot of things, but keeping his car in check must have been one of the few.

And he was just so thorough about it. That sponge seemed to glide along the blue paint of Sonic's car like a swan, so delicate, so graceful, so orderly. Not a single spot of dirt would survive the soft and precise way Sonic worked.

Sonic must have been enthralled in his task because Metal was able to walk up right behind him and wait a full 3.42 seconds. When Sonic still didn't seem to notice, Metal let out a single, irritated beep.

Sonic blinked, his hand's perfect motions stopping. He looked over at Metal and then smiled.

"Hey. What's up?"

Metal folded his arms in what he hoped was the most severe gesture he could make. "I believe we need to talk."

"You believe?" Sonic smirked. Statistically, standard Sonic smirks took up roughly 35.74% of the width of Sonic's muzzle, and this was no exception.

Sonic chuckled then set the dry end of the sponge in his seat. He hopped out to stand next to Metal. "You _believe_ or you _know?_ "

What an infantile response. How typical of Sonic, how naive. Sonic, for all his racing superiority, was utterly moronic.

Metal had a response for that. "So you wish to debate the finer principles of epistemology? Is that it? Is that why you had to park so close to me?"

Sonic raised a brow, glancing over to where Metal's car was parked. "How far away do you want me to _be_ exactly?"

Metal waved his hand, turning his head away. "Why, that depends on exactly what you intend on doing. If you are going to do something as indecent as...as this," Metal gestured to the sponge, "then you should at least have the self-respect to not be within visual range."

Sonic paused. He clicked his tongue, echoing Metal disbelievingly, "Indecent..."

"Yes!" Metal let out a harsh beep. "Why do you think this is at all a suitable place to...to—"

Metal winced, as if the word itself were an affront to all things quantitative. "—to _wax_ your vehicle?"

Sonic chuckled, hands on his hips. "What's a suitable place then?"

Metal waved dismissively. "What? You just expect me to solve all your problems for you, Sonic? How should I know? I merely gave you the parameter. Coming up with an acceptable solution is your responsibility."

"Well, _you're_ the one with the problem," Sonic retorted. "Not much help if you're not the one giving me an answer."

"Are you dense? I already told you—visual range!" Metal placed his hand on his chest. "You cannot just wax your vehicle's chassis—your vehicle's blue chassis—in front of everyone like this!"

Sonic snorted like the obnoxious hedgehog he was. How dare he think that Metal's question was so ridiculous!

Then, Sonic grew oddly quiet. A long moment passed. He glanced at his vehicle, then the sponge, then back at Metal. He squinted, as though trying to figure out some sort of puzzle.

"Wait a minute—" He pointed at Metal with both hands. The smirk returned. "Are you _jealous?_ "

Metal took half a step backward, hands out defensively. "J-jealous? Do not be ridiculous! In fact, how dare you insinuate such things! Me, jealous of what? Your car? Are you saying I am a car, Sonic?"

Sonic's smirk widened by 11.52%, clearly amused the reaction he provoked. "Hey, if you wanted me to wax you, all you had to do was _wax._ "

He reached into his car and picked up the sponge. Before Metal could back away, Sonic swiped the sponge against Metal's nose then quickly withdrew his hand.

The fight or flight response was primitive. Only a weak, organic creature would fall for such instincts, and Metal was not weak. No, his response to this outrageous offense was far superior, far more calculating.

Metal completely froze, optics twitching slightly. "Y-you—"

"Me?" Sonic leaned close, looking as smug as ever. "What _about_ me?"

Sonic's eyes were massive and green. Brilliant green, shinier even than his stupid, blue car with its stupidly polished blue paint that Sonic himself stupidly waxed.

Metal rubbed his nose. Wet wax glistened against his fingertips. "Y-you waxed me—"

"Yeah, you're right." Sonic hummed teasingly. "I should finish the job."

He stepped forward and brushed the sponge along Metal's chest.

Metal let out a harsh, continuous beep and staggered backward, leaning himself against Sonic's car.

Sonic froze, clearly not expecting that reaction. He pulled the sponge back. "Uh—sorry—?"

Metal's optics twitched. Copper conducted electricity exceptionally well, which meant he could feel every bit of the wax Sonic smeared against the inside of his engine panel.

"S-sorry? Y-you had better be sorry." Metal straightened his back. "Y-you just started the waxing protocol, and yet you refuse to finish."

"What?" Sonic hadn't expected that reaction either. "I mean..."

He smiled. "I _can_ finish."

He brushed the sponge across Metal's armor again.

The sponge sailed across Metal's armor, smooth and precise. The micro-holes along the sponge's surface carried the wax as it moved, smearing it into the tiny scratches along Metal's armor.

Metal turned himself just slightly, leaning further into Sonic's car. "F-fine! F-finish then!"

"Hey, _you're_ the one who said I should finish," Sonic replied smugly.

The sponge cascaded down Metal's side and then back near Metal's engine.

Outside of the occasional repair, nothing had ever touched the back of Metal's engine. That was, perhaps, for the best, given that Metal's engine was just as sensitive as his engine panel. It was all that conductive copper that did it.

Metal tightened his grip on Sonic's car, arching his back just slightly. "I-It is not like I want you to finish or anything. We have no choice. Y-you just started this protocol. You could hardly leave me half-waxed."

"Yeah, yeah." Sonic rolled his eyes, grinning as he took Metal's hand in his own.

He ran the sponge around Metal's shoulder then down his arm and finally to the copper on the back of Metal's hand.

Copper and dextral feedback was a bad combination. As the sponge brushed past it, Metal beeped low enough that it practically sounded like a purr.

"I-it seems all your indecent waxing initiative has paid off."

"Oh yeah?" Sonic's ego was latching onto every word. After another minute or so of waxing, he added, "So I'm doing a good job?"

"Y-you would be, except—" The words were out before Metal could stop himself. "—you forgot my ears."

Sonic's smirk widened another 3.45%. "I did?"

He hopped up on the seat of his car, pulling Metal close and running the sponge along Metal's ears.

Metal's fingers twitched again, and before he could stop himself, he grabbed onto Sonic's shoulders and buried his face under Sonic's chin. His beeping grew into a louder purr.

"S-sonic—"

Sonic's smirk disappeared. He let out a soft gasp as he looked down at Metal, although he still continued his gentle motions.

"M-metal? You okay?"

Metal didn't move. He just stood there like some kind of electric line, his face still buried in Sonic's shoulder. "F-fine! I am f-fine!"

Sonic swallowed. "Ah, okay."

He stepped back momentarily, although he was still holding onto Metal, whom he feared was not stable. "This good enough?"

Metal ran the side of his finger along the smooth copper seam of his ear. The wax laid in a thin and shiny sheet.

Metal rubbed the bridge of his nose. "B-better! You only missed a few spots, but I expected that!"

"Hm?" Eyes drawing to Metal's nose, Sonic could tell that he had neglected Metal's muzzle: more specifically, the bolts. If he wanted to get the crevices too, things would be difficult.

He took it as a challenge.

Placing his hand underneath Metal's chin, Sonic forced Metal's head up. Their eyes met. For a long moment, they simply stared at each other. Sonic's eyes really were a precise shade of green.

Then Sonic drew his hand around the outer side of Metal's muzzle, trying to get a steady grip.

"Hold still," he said, surprisingly softly. Their faces were so close, why, if Metal just leaned forward—

Sonic placed the sponge around the unwaxed areas of Metal's muzzle, which was almost exclusively around the bolts. Then Sonic leaned ever closer. His eyes were sharp as the sponge cascaded across the bolt, sliding gently into the crevices.

Metal let out a low, yet sharp, beep. The sides of his bolts were incredibly sensitive, and while they had technically been cleaned before in Dr. Eggman's automatic disinfector, no one has ever touched them like this, so delicately, so precisely.

Gingerly, Metal found his hands moving up to Sonic's shoulders. He gripped them gently and leaned his head into the sponge.

There must have been a chill in the air that Metal couldn't detect, as Sonic shuddered.

"Good?" Sonic asked, his voice less teasing than normal.

Metal didn't move. It was hard to think. He could only feel the lingering sensation of the sponge against his check.

"Y-yeah—" Metal muttered.

Sonic continued, still so close as the sponge continued along Metal's bolts.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, Sonic stopped. He let out an unidentifiable noise and began to pull Metal forward, his eyes darting around Metal's body.

A sheepish chuckle escaped him. He said with a hint of playfulness, "Sorry to disappoint you, but I think I'm out of places to wax."

Metal was utterly limp now, practically laying against Sonic as Sonic inspected him. But, as Sonic stopped, awareness begins to press itself against Metal's mind, and he suddenly snapped upright.

"W-well I should think so! With the frequency in which you wax your car, I would expect nothing less!"

"Uh—" Sonic stepped back, blinking. "Was...was that a compliment?"

"N-no! Absolutely not!" Metal tried to take a step backward, but that only caused him to bump into Sonic's thoroughly waxed car. "I-I only mean to imply that you are wholly indecent to wax your vehicle so much!"

Sonic was suddenly back to smirking. "Ahh, and yet you let me wax you in public too."

"Ahh—" Metal put his hands on his hips. His hips were smooth with wax. He then stood up on the tips of his feet, looking around for anyone. "I-I only did that so you would see how indecent it is!"

Sonic laughed. "But I don't. It's just wax."

"Just wax? _Just wax?!_ " Now Metal was back to folding his arms. "Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable."

Before Sonic had time to respond, Metal held up his hand. "But you know what? If you do not even see the problem, then there is no use explaining it. You are beyond hope."

Sonic shrugged. "So I guess you went through all this for nothing."

"It was not for nothing." Metal looked away begrudgingly. He said in a very quiet voice, "...you did a better job waxing me than the doctor would have."

Sonic's ears perked. "I did?" His voice was quiet too.

Sonic glanced over to his car, running his hand along the side. "...W-well—"

He straightened, trying to keep up his smug nature. "You know, I _do_ kinda see what you mean but, sorry to say, I think _you're_ the one who's got it all wrong here."

He turned immediately in Metal's direction, advancing on the robot.

"You can't compare me waxing a car to me waxing _you,_ Mets. You're better. You're your own person, got that?"

Metal was dumbstruck. How to even respond? Sonic, his greatest enemy, his rival, the one he was supposed to defeat in the Grand Prix once and for all—Sonic had really just said that?

Sonic thought Metal was his own person?

Sonic thought Metal was _better to wax than his car?_

Metal pressed his arms against his chest and looked down at his own feet. He whispered, "...Thank you."

Sonic gaped. Then he smiled without even a hint of his prior smugness.

He leaned even closer, his forehead nearly brushing Metal's.

"Did you just _thank me,_ Mets?"

Metal looked up and away from Sonic. "I regret those words already. It is going to fuel your already astronomical ego."

"I thought you were someone who'd _like_ astronomy," Sonic replied with a smirk.

"...I am not even going to dignify this comment with a response." Metal pinched his forehead. He was about to continue, but he cut himself off.

Cubot and Orbot. They were at his car now. They were distracted for the moment—Cubot had lifted a tire, only to have it fall back down on his head—but it wouldn't last long.

And then they would see him.

They would see him with Sonic.

"Sonic. I must drive your vehicle now."

"You—" Sonic's smirk faded. "What?"

"You heard what I said." In a single, smooth motion, Metal hopped into Sonic's car and landed in the driver's seat. He hit the ignition then turned to Sonic.

"You must come as well."

"Uh—wait—why?" Sonic asked. Although he hopped up onto the side of the car anyway.

"Yes. You waxed me, and now I must repay you. Hence I will take you on this ride." Metal gestured to the seat next to him. "And anyway, I must show you my superior driving skills."

"Soooo," Sonic hummed. Still sitting on the door, he deliberately let his legs drape over onto Metal's seat. "You're taking me on a date?"

"N-no! Do not be absurd!" Metal tried to peer around Sonic to check for Cubot and Orbot again, but Sonic's stupid face was all he could look at. "This is strictly a business relationship. I am merely gathering intelligence on my enemy!"

Sonic giggled. "Alright. If you say so."

He slipped into the car next to Metal and propped his arms against the car door.

Metal tightened his grip on the wheel. "I do say so."

He then hit the accelerator. The car zipped off immediately, leaving Cubot and Orbot behind them. And as the car sped off against the sunlit tarmac, Metal could only think of one thing.

He _did_ look really nice waxed.


End file.
